Two Weeks and Two Dozen Emotions

I change my outlook on living in Haiti more often then I change my outfit. If you would have asked me yesterday, I would have told you that a year and a half commitment seemed like no time at all and I was almost sure I would want to stay longer. I was loving the staff, the kids and the volunteers. I was loving meeting new babies and families. I was loving the fact that you never know what will happen next around here. I was loving the fact that I was feeling ambitious and ready to tackle all of my projects. I was loving the fact that I was completely aware of God's presence and my dependency on him.

Today is my two week anniversary of being back in Haiti and the day I promised myself I would write my first blog. And today is a different story. Today a year and a half feels like an eternity and I am calculating how long until I can visit home. Today I feel isolated and disconnected for no particular reason. Today I am overwhelmed by the needs of our babies and the stories of these families. Today I am hating the constant change and unpredictability that comes with living here. Today I feel overwhelmed by my tasks and paralyzed by my own inadequacies. Today I forgot to be passionate in my quest to know my God more and more.

But today, I know that God is in control and that he has called me here. I may not feel it, but I know it is true. I know that while some days will be slow, time will fly by more quickly than I'd like. I know that I have already made some great friends and will continue to make more. We may not always see eye to eye, but we will learn and grow together. I know that the needs here are great, but we are making a difference. Babies are being saved and families are being helped, one by one. I know that constant change and readjustment can be hard, but it can also be one of our greatest blessings. I know that I will not always be on schedule, but I will find the strength to perservere. I know that God has called me to Haiti and he will sustain me through whatever challenges present themselves.

And I know that today, despite my inner turmoil, I was beyond blessed to spend time with all of our kids, from two weeks old to five years old. And I know that I can't wait to see their smiles again tomorrow. To hear their voices call my name. To watch them as they play and learn and grow. To be a part of their everyday as they wait for the next phase of their life, whatever that may be.

Tonight, I feel my passion for this journey returning and I am excited to be able to share with you as I live my life in Haiti.